the shitness inside you is a place

 All the ties I had to your apartment have all been sold or given away

And I can't turn down anyone that shows interest in something I've done
Or some phase I'm in or some poem I wrote
When I should have been in college
And I still consider you a friend
But when you get older, I hope you're still alone
And I hope you hate it

But when you get older, I hope you're still alone
And I hope you hate it

-

I am in a state of distress and self-doubt, and looking for comfort and help from a close friend. However, my pleas remain unanswered—not only is my friend not there for me (she doesn’t pick up the phone) she’s not even paying attention to me (she doesn’t listen to my messages). What’s more, this old friend is never home. Literally and metaphorically, she’s left the circle of familiarity in which I knew and defined her . Consequently, I am effectively reduced to venting to the void.

I know that by “holding on” I am only making my sorrow worse. I need to draw a line in the sand.

I hoped that our friendship would last forever, that we would still have that bond when we had formed families of our own. I thought my kids would call you auntie.

There’s something poetic and nostalgic about what we used to do together, but the total mess and recklessness of our actions seemingly contradict the light I saw us in. 

You want me to be there to support and help you, but I realize that I can’t do that anymore, and it’s taking a significant toll on me. Caring for you comes at the expense of my own health and wellbeing. I also want you to realize this and take an active role in getting better instead of solely relying on others to be there when you need them.

You  have  isolating himself due to your relationship addiction, and despite my efforts to reach out and try to help, our relationship has become one sided : you are neglecting Me, and is not there to for me when I need it.

It is possible that you justified your use of people with rather pretentious friendship principles, in order to avoid admitting your problem and brush off concerns — which explains my frustration.

Although you meas a lot to me, the friendship has become too toxic and one-sided for me to reasonably keep holding on: my mental health is at stake.

I’m letting go

'Cause I loved you

But I have to

I'm letting go

You know we can't keep out of trouble

I thought my kids would call you auntie

I thought we'd never be alone

I’m letting go